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It's the last phone call I expected to get. But it's the one that changed my life forever. Never did I expect that I would be laying you to rest this early.

I'm jealous. It's not fair. I want to be able to have a conversation to tell you what's been going on.

Maybe if I had a healthy hobby, passing time wouldn't be that bad. Right now, my past times are drinking, TV, and phone. Nothing healthy.

I'm not sure what triggered this funk, but I realized it when all I wanted to do was sit around and do nothing.

It's not that is was a bad thing, but an unusual thing I have to get used to. I think about how different Thanksgiving will be.

I got the worst sleep last night. I think some of my worst sleep in a long time. I had a dream about you.

I am prolly not helping myself since I am dealing with everything on my own.

You would think that a fictional funeral wouldn't bother me AND when I see one, it reminds me of the pain I felt.

I feel as if I am alone. No one is holding my hand. I guess I would rather be alone in my bed than alone in public.

Don't get me wrong, you have left sooo much and I am forever grateful. Honestly, I would give it all back for just one more day.

All I seem to want to do is lay around. I just want to be alone. I am experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that I need to express.

When days get hard, I feel like I need to go to church. But at the same time, God, I am mad!

It feels like I am in a deep dark pit and the walls are quickly closing in on me. It's borderline exhausting trying to always be okay.

Sometimes, I just need a hug and I don't know where to get it from. No one can hug me and love me the way that you love me.

I promise in everything I do, I will continue to do it in your name and make you proud. I love you with every hair on my back and I appr