Entering a Funk

December 12, 2015

8:14PM

It took me until today to realize I was slowly entering a funk.

I do not want to do anything for the holiday.

I just want to be home by myself.

Late night Sequence with Grandaddy and Auntie from Thanksgiving.

I don't want to go see my brother, Auntie, or Grandaddy.

I'm not sure what triggered this funk, but I realized it when all I wanted to do was sit around and do nothing.

Since I've been home, the most I have done is ate, sleep, and lay.

Not even really responding to text messages.

I figured I would try and write to you in hopes of shaking this feeling.

As much as I try to act like I am happy, deep down, I know I am not happy.

I am not happy with my physical appearance.

I don't feel pretty.

It's a father's role to make their daughters feel beautiful.

I need that right now.

I'm gaining weight, my acne is a mess. It's like I am letting myself go.

I feel alone.

I know there are people that are there for me.

I guess you don't realize what you have until you no longer have it.

People try to be there for me, but then I have idle time and my dark thoughts begin to fester.

I talk to Lita about school, but it feels like most of our conversations are surface level.

And the people I want to be there for me are far, so that makes it kinda hard for them to show up.